Anne's Rules For Recovery For Ex Ardent Devotees
Anne came
from a Christian cult and would be glad to correspond with anyone who
wants to share. The 'wave thing' that Anne writes about is a form of the
emotional pain than can be felt physically.
Kind regards, Andries K.D.
Anne:
This
is NOT the way I did my recovery, it is more the way I WISH I'd done
it... but I did catch on eventually. If I had it to do over I would:
1)
Give myself plenty of time & space to grieve my losses. When you
leave a cult you leave behind something that was a huge part of you
daily life, thoughts, emotions and actions. Not to mention all of the
relationships that are suddenly severed. When all that is gone, there is
an immense void. Don't be quick to try to stuff something else into it.
Don't censor your own feelings. Grief hurts, but it heals, and it
diminishes over time.
2) Take the time to realign my beliefs.
This works better when the grief is not so acute. Bring everything you
were taught out into the light and examine it. A journal comes in
handy. Look at every so-called truth you accepted in the cult, item by
item. Ask: Do I still believe this? Why or why not? What is wrong
with this belief? How has holding this belief affected my life, and does
it still have power over me? Is there some real truth that this belief
distorts? Where can I go for more information on this issue so I can
decide for myself?
3) Consciously place the cult experience into
the context of my life. What inner needs (if any) drew me to the group?
Is it part of a larger pattern in my life that needs to be changed?
(Note this is not true of everyone who has been in a cult, but for me it
definitely was.) What did I learn from this experience? What good
things have come out of it? How will I use what I've learned?
4)
Not allow my heart to get hardened; for then the cult truly does win!
Learn to forgive, and that forgiveness and acceptance are not the same
thing.
I don't know if any of this will help with the wave thing.
That may just be the way you as an individual experience grief. Be very
patient with yourself -- as others have said, it takes much time. 20
years later I still deal with it from time to time. Good has definitely
come from it, as I am able to help some others now.
Love, Anne
Anne Briggs <ABriggs@IOL21.com>
Edited 08-18-2001 04:35 PM