Open letter Conny Larsson
to Sai Baba
October 25. 2000Sathya Sai Baba In Puttaparthi, India Dedication: This open letter is dedicated to all the true seekers in the world, past and present who boldly offer their life for the sake of the truth. To those who did not hide behind denials to protect their integrity. To those who risked isolation, jobs, friends, reputation by coming out in the open with their experiences for the sake of protection of the innocent seekers that is in danger by affiliation with the Sathya Sai Organisation or Sai Baba in person. To Sai Baba This is Conny, the Swedish man (boy) that came to you in Puttaparthi 15 of March 1978 who is writing. I am writing to you directly since I know that I can not get through by using your own organisation since they are all living in total denial of the facts that the whole world now is waking up to. If you by any chance have forgotten me you might remember me as the "Crutch boy", or even as Sathya, you baptised me to that name once in an open interview not knowing what deep meaning it would have for the future to come. That name (sathya) has always stayed in my mind and kept me holding off to the truth even when temptation was there to gain quick benefits. When I came to you in 1978 I was in despair due to the fact thatI had left my Master Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in 1976, mostly due to organisational reasons. During my time with him I became his personal secretary and loved the duty to serve a holy man with the best of intentions. Under his supervision I educated myself in Rishikesh 1969 to become a teacher of meditation in the age old Shankaracharya-tradition. His own guru was the Shankaracharya of JyotirMath. In the year 76 -78 I immigrated to Sri Lanka due to the beauty and to the impact that the Buddhist teaching had made on me. 1 changed my occupation and became a constructor of beach bungalows that were sold to prominent buyers from all over the world. It all ended up in the necessity of bribing all ministers for getting permissions and contracts signed. When my conscience told me that this was absolutely wrong 1 could not continue and therefore 1 withdrew more and more from the company. Still trying to uphold my spiritual path I happened to come across the name and picture of you in a little hut on the beach in Beruwala and was advised to go to India. 1 did so after having talked with different persons about you. My expectations were high. The people I talked to were praising your glory and told me that you were able to manifest things from thin air by your own hand and also that you were an AVATAR. Some people said you were an incarnation of the known Shirdi Sai. Also that you were God in human form.
When I finally arrived in Puttaparthi March 1978 I was absolutely exhausted after 2 days of travel and it was 42 degrees Celsius in the shadow. Not many people were there maybe 1500 altogether and you approached me directly during your Darshan (meeting people outside in the Mandir compound) and said to me" Oh! You have come now! "Where do you come from?" you asked. I answered. "Sweden Sir!" You said: "No, no! You come from Sri Lanka". You smiled and walked away leaving me absolutely flabbergasted. 1 was impressed by the appearance and the extraordinary person I was told you was. After this I were left to my own fantasies.
During my four days of stay I wandered in the Ashram, read books, listened to praise and stories that set you off as the "Divine Himself". The propaganda was massive and done in a very smooth and pleasant way. In between outdoor meetings we were served the very best vegetarian food, still in wonder after your manifestations of the "holy ash-vibuthi" which you did several times.
It all looked so simple for you and you always had a smile for me and I, as everyone else, felt in line to love you as presented namely "the Divine in Human Form".
Blessed by this 1 returned to Sri Lanka thinking that this was my new way. Now I had no more interest in continuing the construction work in Sri Lanka. I was offered 22 million $US for my company by a Swiss-company that wanted to take over.
1 had now been to you several times during 1978 and wanted to settle down in Puttaparthi for good near you. 1 wanted to sail the company in benefit for the construction of a new hospital for the poor and visitors in need. 1 was prepared to donate everything to the organisation if you had wished so. My only interest was to stay close to you.
You soon started to call me in for several private interviews and I become a noticed person in the ashram. But the other devotees did not know what was going on between you and me in the inner interview room. I did not know myself, 1 just believed you when you said that you were God and were helping me with my problems by taking care of my Kundalini-process. This was odd I think, since you did this by physically approaching my genitals, sometimes by smearing oil, later by masturbating me and asking for the same done to you. You also did oral sex on me several times; you always seemed to enjoy it immensely. When you asked me to do oral sex on you I backed up, due to my background as a molested child.
My alcoholic father's friend did the molesting during Friday evenings, when I was between four and eight years old. You were kind enough not to push me further. Instead you continued with oral sex on me until 1983. I had now become 34 years old and fallen out of your sexual interest zone. When I was a child and was abused I always reacted by doing as I was told in order to save my life. So when you first approached me even if it was in a gentle way of a touch, by your hand at my genitals, I somehow reacted instinctively and closed my door to my inner consience. I stopped to listen to my inner voice since I did not want to loose the divine image of you.
All the people you had engaged were putting their efforts in building the image of you as God - living and moving upon earth for humanity to benefit, you were supposed to be pure love and have no personal desire or lust other than giving joy to mankind. Of course I believed the whole concept, innocent as I was.Now, I have some questions for you! Were you aware of the fear that you activated in me when sexually harassing me? If you are the person you want us to believe, did it not occur to you that instead of giving me joy and love you only invoked fear in its deepest level. Are you aware of the fact that I stopped to listen to my inner voice from that moment and became your prisoner for 20 years? From that day I was totally in your hands and you and your organisation kept me there by using the words of love and wisdom. Instead of reacting as a normal being I started to praise you all my wake hours. Were you aware of that you spiritually and physicially raped and molested me through all these years? It went so far that I even became the Spiritual Co-ordinator in your organisation. I went on conferences, spoke on radio, wrote a book, brought thousands of people to the feet of you. I lectured all over the world and told the beautiflil story about my relation with you and your mission. Everywhere people came and listened in hundreds, yes sometimes in thousands. I kept onl thinking this was my duty, as you always told me. This special relation with you was my deepest secret and 1 believed you when you said that I was the only one worthy of this special work. I was so puffed up by the attention from you that I totally lost track of reality. During the time 1 was imprisoned by you I gave away my company in Sri Lanka. I returned ruined to Sweden on your request in 1980 and started the home for drug addicts and criminals that I am stili running now as a very well known institute. During the years that past by after 1983 when your physical involvement with me stopped I just served and served as a "duty officer" in your organisation even though the "bells of warning" clanged of and on. So many times I saw you cheat with the manifestations, so many times I saw you do acts of misconduct with other boys, I always thought you where testing me as a devotee! 1 never let the thought in that this was wrong. For me it was all a blessing, divine touch or "Leelas" (games). It was first in the end of 1986 when I met with several boys that had similar experiences that I started to ask myself if this was wrong. At one time you asked me to participate in an interview, in the inner room, with one of my patients from the institute. I thought you wanted me to translate but you wanted me to participate when you sexually harassed the boy whom at that time were 23 years old, blond and handsome. Somehow you had understood that my childhood experiences had disturbed my identity and made me bisexual. And now you wanted me to partake in your play with the boy. Before I reacted the boy himself pushed you away and went out of the room leaving you and me there. You just raised your shoulders and said: "Pity! He does not understand Sparshan". (Meaning Gods physical way with him.) Do I need to tell you that the boy went home and never wanted to hear about you again, nor did he want to go back even when I offered him to pay his expenses. Do I need to tell you that the boy felt deeper and deeper into an incurable depression related mainly to this traumatic experience and finally committed suicide? StilI my inner voice did not wake up and I kept on hiding my own childhood trauma from my awareness. Could you not have made me aware of my subconciousness in a different way? Did you have to use my patients in your sexual activities and thereby using me as a pimp for you? Could it not have been done in a more spiritual way if that was your intention? Do you remember in Puttaparthi 1980 when I had broken my knee and I came with crutches to you on Darshan meeting on the 25th of December? When you called me on to the compound and asked me to let go of my crutches and walk, which I did in front of everyone. Do you remember how you called me in for an interview after the enormous response you got from the people that thought they had seen a miracle. Do you remember how you asked me not to talk to anyone about it, giving them the opportunity to create their own story which they did. From then on you called me the "Crutch boy" and called for me as soon as you wanted to impress on a Doctor or a Minister etc. Again you used me to make people to believe that you were divine. Do you remember when I came to you in Puttaparthi after a few years absence and brought my fiancÚ? We came for you to bless our marriage. During the interview you asked me if I knew what happens to butter in a fire. I answered you that it would melt. You looked deeply into my eyes and said. "Do you want to melt?" You were referring to my girlfriend as the fire. Innocently I said: "No I don't want to melt". Then you said: "Do not get married you belong to me, you are married to me." You turned to my fiancÚ and told her to leave me alone. Of course she obeyed as everyone else, she stayed in India and became the mistress to your own translator Anil Kumar. For years you kept her in India indicating to her that Kumar were going to divorce his wife and marry her. She wrote you letters daily, that you received during the Darshan where she raised the question about this man again and again. You always say that you read all letters yourself. Why did you not answer her that she would never be married to this man? She was used all these years, as all of us, for your own benefit. She became a tale in India and you participated in bringing the woman I were meant to marry down to the level of satisfying your own translator and his sexual desires. When I heard about this after a couple of years I intervened and she finally ended the relationship with Kumar. Afterwards she was threatened to her life and chopped to keep silent. She is still living in Puttaparthi in total denial of what has happened to her. Was it really worth it? Destroying the love between to young people, separate them from each other and give one of them away as a mistress to an old man who already had a wife and two kids. For what purpose did you do this Baba? What did you in the end get out of it? We who were devoted to you really believed in the Five Human Values-program that was structured by Dr. Gokak and incorporated in your teaching. We started schools all over the world to educate children for the coming of a new world order were you were and would be our guiding light through this cruel world. We all came to you with open hearts and offered our services to what we thought were the purity himself, selflessness incarnated and God on earth. We all were absolutely convinced. As the years passed by rumours about you cheating with your manifestations started and also that you were increasing your sexual activities with younger and younger boys. Your own students both in Brindavan and in Puttaparthi started to confront us westerners with this unpleasant news about our God-you Sai Baba. I slowly started to grasp the idea of being swindled by an organisation I always felt very unpleasant to be in and from here on I kept my ears and eyes open when I visited India and especially Puttaparthi.
Whenever I was in India and Puttaparthi I tried to contact boys I saw being called in for interviews.
During the years there was especially one German boy that always was called in.
I made friends with him and slowly the whole story uncovered. He had got at least 100 interviews during the last 5 years and when I asked him if Sai Baba ever told him any spiritual teachings during the private interviews he answered no. As we learned to know each other more and more 1 realised that you only performed sexual activities with the boy on different levels during the interviews. You apparently explained it for the poor boy as something he needed in order to raise the Kundalini. 1 know you also told the boy not to talk to anyone else, to stay in his room while being in Puttaparthi and only come to Darshans. The poor boy obeyed you except when he came to talk with me. The boy had noticed that you often stopped and talked with me during Darshans, this was the reason why he slowly became confident in me and started to talk to me without fearing for your punishment.
I told him my whole story and did not hide anything for him and he had the same experience of being chosen by God for a certain purpose that he was being prepared for by your sexual activities you were inflicting on him. At this time I were fully convinced that something was really wrong, but I did not know how to get out of the trap.
When I came to India in January 1999 I found a young Swedish man trapped in the absolutely same pattern as the German boy. I then decided to do everything that I could to find a valuable condusion that could hold me through the inner storm that was slowly but steadily approaching me.
The boy you had chosen as a toy for the time being were called the "Golden Boy" due to all the so called manifestations that you had given him during his eight interviews. He approached me for help to understand what was happening to him, since Dr. Jargon Moolgard from Sweden and also National Co-ordinator for the Sai Organisation in Sweden did not listen to the boys problems with you Baba. He did not help the poor boy, so the boy turned to me. I had just arrived to India with my littie group and we found a big Swedish group believing and thinking that the boy was very special and chosen by God especially. The truth was that he as all of us only was used for your sexual purposes and satisfaction. We spent night after night in comparing our experiences and came to the conclusion that these actions we had been subjected to were only of sexual nature. There was never any spirituality in our relation to you. We were both just used.
In the meantime you "manifested" 1000 dollars for him so he could pay for a ticket and visit you in Kodaai Canal in June 1999. You told him to bring his mother this time. The boy went home in absolute confusion and so did I. Anyhow I decided that if he was going back again I would follow since he had turned to me for help, as a well known person within the Sai organisation. Frankly I decided to protect him from getting more molested by you. We returned in June 1999. His mother were going as well but would arrive later. We arrived in Puttaparthi with our eyes wide open eagerly to find out what was true and not. It did not take long before you called us in because of the "Golden Boy". You jumped on him right away, so openly flirting that other people started to realise what was going on and after your second and last interview with the boy it was so obvious that other people started to react and questioned what was going on. We were now out of doubt but for the sake of our own security we decided to keep quiet about it until we left India, this time for good since our relation to you had finally been cleared. There was no longer any doubt about your intentions with us.
We were all used and it seemed like all the leaders knew about It, but kept quiet for the sake of being in the limelight or whatever.
When we came home the "Golden Boy" approached all the leaders in the Swedish Sathya Sai Organisation to put a meeting together where this could be ventilated and cleared out. I was invited together with other victims to come and share their stories. The meeting shocked the Swedish Sai Family and most people left the organisation and you, Sai Baba, directly. Some people fell into denial and stayed and became the new leaders of the organisation.
Since then the word is spreading all over the world and victims from all over the world are coming out from the shadows telling mostly the same sad story about you. All over the world your name and your organisation is put on the list of scum. There is no return and your name and reputation will always be: "The man that called himself the Avatar of Avatars but showed up to be just a simple man with sexual desires for young boys. The man that cheated a whole world using the name of God and love as his tools. The man that used other peoples knowledge and wisdom as his own and pretended to be a guiding light for humanity. Finally exposed by the innocent people that he molested."
When you baptised me as Sathya (the truth) you did not seem to know whom you were dealing with. I was betrayed in my childhood by adults, I lost my voice and ability to speak, but I could pray to God for help. It took years, different ways were tried, even yours but finally truth succeeded and I was brought back to my own inner voice again and thereby my own relation to God-within. I now will settle this as, a testimony for all the people on the globe, especial young boys and their parents. To not ever let their children go to Puttaparthi or to any place were you Sai Baba resides, since they all would risk being at your altar of sex uphold Baba.
You might say this is a common culture in India. Sorry we will answer you, even you have to follow the laws of your country, as you yourself told us we had to. Culture or not we in the west are happy to announce to you that we will uphold the Sanatana Dharma (eternal righteousness) even if your people does not care we will protect the Heritage of Bharat (India). This letter to you is written direct from my hands and could be used as an affidavit if necessary, to any court in the world that will bring the issue up for a trial. I also gladly tell you Baba that I will participate as a firsthand witness whenever I am called to do so. I will not stand behind the "Curtain of shame" any longer and so will not hundreds of other boys all over the world.
We ask of you Baba to withdraw from the self proclaimed God head and confess to everyone that you cheated them all the time, that you are only a simple human being with desires that wants to be fullfilled as everyone of us have.
That you try to hide your homosexuality only shows you as weak and not up to date with what is going on in the world. Today we have United Nations humanitarian rights to protect the homosexual community that is common knowledge. You do not have to hide behind a mask of God to be able to satisfiy your desires. You have so much charisma and charm that you could get in contact with partners without having to swindle young boys and a whole world.
Be brave Baba as we finally became, leave your fear behind, and love is there even for people like you.
The world is eagerly waiting for you stepping down from your God throne down to the floor of really serving mankind as an equal. People that have changed the world like Mahatma Gandhi, Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King and many others they never needed to be looked upon as being Gods. Being servants satisfied them. Is it not your saying also " Love all Serve all ". Not "Hurt all - Rape all", which is a tendency you and your movement now is trying to uphold by saying openly that your rapes and molestation's are of divine nature. You never cared to ask us what we felt and thought. You told us what we are and expected us to accept your picture. Sorry but we could not, if we are going to survive as spiritual beings.
We now longer say Sai Ram. We say SHIVA RAM! Knowing that truth will conquer.
Yours sincerely in hope of improvement,
Director of Karnan Institute
Telephone 00461123 23048, fax 23015, e-mail address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Anyone that reads this and needs support might contact me and the Lifeline-group that has been created to support everyone that needs help to leave the Sai Baba movement.
This open letter can be forward and used in any official circumstances if the content is intact and presented in its whole.