Cracks in my Consciousness by David Lyons   Date: 11-27-03 Document date: 11-12-03 By: David Lyons How many "red flags" do we have to see/hear/experience before we pay attention?! A few cracks in the titanium armor of the SSO began to appear but I was not yet ready for a thorough examination. Like NASA, I was content that there was no imminent danger to this cosmic mission. Early on there were a few anomalies in Sathya Sai Speaks, so magnified and exposed by Brian Steel and Robert Priddy in their recent brilliant analyses of same. Then later, the discrepancies about the different birth days of Jesus in SSB's Christmas discourses (obscured and obfuscated by Goldstein when questioned) had me a bit confused. All these I dismissed as a test of my faith. Then came the horrible events of June 6, 1993. I was receiving Sanathana Sarathi (=The Eternal Charioteer) from PN (Prashanthi Nilayam) then, and also the Sathya Sai Newsletter from California. The slight differences in the two publications was not an issue for me. What WAS A BIG ISSUE for me was the lack of compassion exhibited by SSB in his explanation of these murderous scenes. We know now that these were lies of the greatest magnitude, and that a massive cover-up had taken place. But after I read these accounts, and the wild reports in the Indian press, both here and in India, I was left with a sunken feeling, and for a couple of weeks I was in a quandary. Conversations with local devotees convinced me that Baba and his coterie were telling us the truth, and so I accepted it--but I was not totally convinced that we were told the whole truth, and I filed it away in the far recesses of my psyche. Due to a complete computer crash I was in the electronic boon docks from early December, 1999 to early February, 2000. Consequently, there was absolutely no communications between me and the office bearers of the South Central Region (Texas, Oklahoma, Arkansas and Louisiana), or anyone else. When email commenced with my new computer I discovered that two Regional officers had resigned. At first, they would not tell me why. Now I was really confused. There were hints of a scandal, that SSB had sexually molested some youths, but I could not get a full picture, nor direct testimony. Then I went into the lion's den; I contacted Bongiovanni . Bon was able to convince me (at that moment) that Baba was purity itself--a claim that Goldstein had related to the father of one who had been molested. I consulted with the V.P. of our Center. This was early February, 2000, and after wavering for a couple of weeks I decided to stick with Baba. And then I was flattened with a million-ton boulder on Monday, April 3, 2000 entitled THE FINDINGS. THE FINDINGS. I had been receiving Peggy Mason's "Sathya Sai Baba Magazine" from Turnbridge Wells, Kent, for some time. When Peggy turned the reins over to Faye Bailey shortly before she died, and Faye renamed the magazine "The Quartely" (and was no longer mentioning Sai Baba) it was just a blip on my radar screen, me thinking that she was suiting her publication to her needs and personality. Then I received an insert in the Spring, 2000 issue. I was truly dumbfounded, so I immediately dispatched to Northern Wales for a copy of THE FINDINGS. This was received on Monday, April 3, 2000. I nearly cried after turning page after page of this 41-page expose`. I was sick at heart, and then physically sick. Emotionally I was a basket case. "No, no, no" I kept thinking, "this cannot be true!" But in my heart of hearts I knew it was. I had received a prelude of this from the resigned officers of the South Central Region. Now it was sitting before me like a potion of poison. What to do? From Monday to Thursday morning I was lost in a turbulent sea, thinking I would never survive this ordeal. Then the sea calmed, I found a piece of flotsam, and a rescue ship had suddenly appeared. I would call an emergency officers' meeting, we would decide how to proceed, and what to present to the general membership. Friday evening (April 7, 2000) we met. I said I would make copies of THE FINDINGS and we would all read it at the same time at Sunday's meeting, which consisted of bhajans and Study Circle. They agreed, not knowing the contents of THE FINDINGS as I did not allow it to be shown until Sunday, and that the contents were grave. The long and the short of it: after the 13 who attended had finished reading the 41 pages, all the devotees walked out, there were no comments, and there was never another meeting at my place. I resigned as president, and from the organization in toto, Subsequently, all the Indian devotees stuck with Baba, except one, and the six anglo devotees defected within a couple of months. The Indian devotees re-organized and are still meeting at a local bookstore. I am still friends with all of them, except that we cannot converse about SSB. Then Al & Marisa Rahm, attending a convention for their business here in New Orleans in July, 2000, introduced me to Glen Meloy, who had recently formed an international support and expose` group. To be continued.