Testimony from Saibyebye
From saibyebye on:
Sathya Sai Baba Discussion Club, message 2133, 2152 and 2151:
Date: 3/9/01 4:22 a.m.
What I'm doing now is pretty much the same as alias Zen. I don't have any books or material on sb at all except the ring he gave me which sits in a pasta jar in the kitchen. I chucked the rest in the dumpster marked 'guru disappointments' in the local public refuse. I took a step back and worked on my life. Addressed the shadow in myself, took responsibility for it and cleaned out my life. Most of the characters from those days drifted away. I liked the structure of it, but structures only exist if you have 'structure hunger,' a need for it. I met some fantastic people in the ashram and some yukky ones. I did lots and got lots of good experiences which I don't want to go over because I like to stay anon. I was a basket case when I found sb, I read Krystal and I ignored my inner voice that said he was a fraud who Krystal described as having boys in his room at night. a basket case needs a basket and sb gave me one. He never abused me but things he said to me were abusive in other ways as were one of the things he did, not sexual. I have seen a great change since leaving the family I have stood on my own two feet and given up the fairy tale. Lovesi
Date: 3/12/01 3:39 a.m.
Not the canteen, no I enjoyed a lot of privileges though and got close enough to see the fundamentalists in the ashram. This group told me they would kill if sb told them to do and described the mass of devotees as nothing more than little sheep. Depressingly I enjoyed the ego boost. But it was an ego boost that came from my own shadow and the shadowy group I had encountered. As for post devotional depression it wears off. As humans I think we all have a hunger for structure, most of us really just want to know how to fill out the next hour. I hit a void but then the void is perhaps part of a truer spirituality. O and I miss the fruit salad in the western canteen. Lovesbb
3/12/01 3:43 a.m.
The devotee conflict
I had several obe's in the last ten years and its the fear that pulls you back in. If you take it literally one step at a time you can cover more ground. The trick is to see that what powers you along is not your legs (I comically try and waggle them like Charlie Chaplin in the early goes) but thought. Have you tried theta brain wave techniques? Also another thing I learned was that any beings you encounter are more likely aspects of yourself. Bit off subject but mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org if you like.