Experiences from Star light99999


From: Sathya Sai Baba Discussionclub



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He reflects back Sorry, I'm not available star_light99999
1/31/02 3:15 pm
My experiences of Sai are different from many here - it is quite strange.

On my first visit to PP eleven years ago - Sai called me by my first name. (Yet, no one had given it to him.) He knew my name, he knew when I was ill - when I was well. There was nothing he didn't know about me.

During the years he brought to the surface all my fears - especially my fears of rejection. He certainly seemed capable of reading my unopened letters.

At the time he gave me much guidance that I never acted upon, today I am a lot sadder person because I chose to ignored it.

What is plain to me now - when I look back, is that he has changed. He no longer uses his powerful attraction to keep us with him. The once intense love and peace most of us felt for him a few years ago, has all but disappeared. It's just like a light switch has been turned off.

The deep feelings of love are not even in the ashram - not as before.

Until one year ago, I remember feeling a deep love for Sai - absolutely complete and entire - but then it disappeared. Now I feel hardly any love at all.

His photo that had once meant so much to me, and my means of praying to him; now has become dead and lifeless. Its intimate and personal joy has fanished.

I don't believe I just fell out of love with Sai - I believe that there has been a shift with him - that many of us are not in his aura anymore, therefore, unmoved by him. We have been 'let loose' and what we feel now is our own limited expansion or viewpoint of what is true.

I doubt if ever I will feel such a love again - not like the love I felt for Sai.

I remember Sai saying

"that no one can visit him without his permission" or was it, "not even wild horses could bring us to him without his consent" - I still believe our visits were pre-ordained in some way and that what we felt for Sai was his reflection of what he felt for us.

Now it is gone.
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Re: He reflects back Sorry, I'm not available star_light99999
2/1/02 4:29 am
Thank you for reading my post - I've visited him 11 times in all - and always felt close to him. But the past few years 1999 and 2000, even 2001 - were difficult. Where once we could be close to him at darshan, we no longer were allowed to be. This ruling was by his staff at Whitefield.(women's side). They refused to let the Westerners sit near the carpet edge where he walked. We were all kept at such a distance.

When you visit Sai - there is an inter-action between you and him such as the taking of precious letters, the exchange of glances, even small teachings too - they all disappeared when the staff got so ruthless with us.

Many of us felt disconnected in some way - as if we were not wanted there.............

I speak from that viewpoint - of having had such an intimate connection at one time.

It all got so stressful there - no one can meditate or concentrate on him when one is stessed out.

The entire ashram nowadays resembles a jail - and the good vibrations that use to be there, are no longer.

Perhaps it's better not to have visited him.
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